Today: my first solo outing since the move. I was on my way to Inlingua, my German school, to take a placement test. I'd trained my new babysitter the day before, and I was drunk on the thought of freedom. I hauled something reasonably fashionable out of the armoire and even put on lipstick and brushed my hair. The school was in the heart of the pedestrian district inside the ring, and my mind was stacked with images of cafes mit schlag, tiramisu, H&M and bookshops. I'm certain I grinned like the cheshire cat all the way to the Strassenbaum.
The temperature had plummeted, and I'd dressed for a change. I was under-layered and over-heeled and uncomfortable but didn't really care. I'd just switched to the bus, and my iphone was showing Inlingua to be a mere five-minute walk. As soon as I stepped off of the bus, my maps feature went kaput. Rats!
I don't know how people ever managed to get anywhere in Vienna before google maps. All the roads go in circles and the streets switch names every half-block. Plus you're not likely to find a single street name with less than 15 letters, so, unless you go around carrying opera glasses in your bag (as I'm certain many viennese women do), you need to walk right up to the sign to be able to make out the name.
The subways, buses and strassenbaums are of course clean and fabulous, if you know where you're going. But I dare anybody to try to unfold a map and figure out which of six strassenbaums to take from Schottentor while wrangling a tot and answering a five-year-old's random questions about electricity towers.
Last week I was having a serious case of homesickness for the Manhattan grid while trying to find my way using one of those map books thing-ys (you know-- a different snapshot of the map on every page). Duh: My friggin' iphone gives me step-by-step directions! It tells me the route plus the bus number, where and what time it leaves and what number strassenbaum to transfor to. Who knew my salvation would arrive in the form of a phone!
I began to step out with courage. Lost? No problemo. I'd look for a building number, plug in the new data points and presto: new route. In all honesty, I've never really even figured out the New York bus system, and now, after just nine days in Vienna, I had the city dialed. I was even giving directions to the Viennese. Yesterday I managed to stop a girl towing a huge suitcase from walking four blocks out of her way.
Of course, today the second I stepped off the bus, my maps feature went kaput. Of all days! Well to hell with the phone. I can do this on my own. I tucked in my Okie accent, and summoning all the German vowel sounds my mouth could muster, I asked a good-looking guy where Neue Markt was. "I'm American, sorry." Rats! I tried again, this time with a lady in a red wool coat and gloves (definitely Austrian). She sent me across the Graben to Stephans Platz and then down a half mile. I found Stephans Platz easily enough (see below), but nope, no Neue Markt.
I spotted a familiar looking figure in a brown uniform--(How comforting to know Vienna has UPS!)--and really wanted to hug him. He sent me back five blocks. No dice. Now my feet were starting to whine and my nose was running. I fished for a tissue in my bag but came out with a car and T.Rex.
A business woman politely gave me directions to Hohe Markt, but explained in German that she wasn't sure where Neue Markt was. I remembered to stop calling people du. (Not "Weiss du", but "wissen sie"), and thought maybe the formal tense would help my cause. I wissen-sied a Romanian guy with a cart who sent me two blocks East and then a block Southeast. Then I went into Villeroy & Baush. The saleslady had no idea. The shop was empty, and I looked longingly at the computer. She didn't take the hint. I scolded myself for not having the guts to ask her to pull up google maps and walked out. Where was my inner-New Yorker when I needed it!
I wiped my nose on a stray diaper in my purse, reapplied lipgloss and trudged ahead. Jackpot: three clothing shops right next to each other! This time I wanted to compare notes before choosing a direction. Every single clerk sent me a different way. It was starting to snow.
Okay last ditch effort before I call it a day. I texted Timi who replied that I should go under settings and data network and turn roaming on. My inner New Yorker returned almost instantly: "Do you think I'm an idiot? Of course roaming is on." He texted back: "Each text costs us $1.50." (For the record: We bought European sim cards on Saturday, but upgraded our software the day before which also happened to be the day Apple came out with software that couldn't be "unlocked" in Europe. So we're still using our US iphones and paying out the wazoo on the US plan because I'll no sooner part with my phone than Parker with his Bunny. Timi would have to pry it out of my hands in my sleep.)
Some elderly Viennese ladies in yellow silk scarves and blue hats stared at me in horror. Could they see the smoke coming out of my ears? I texted back: "How about a little help here. Fingers = frozen." Alas Timi bestowed on me exact instructions on how to get to my class. (Was he enjoying this?) Ten minutes later my drippy nose and I entered the office. I was almost an hour off schedule, which meant I had twenty minutes to take the test, then it was time to somehow find my way back to the 19th district to pick up Peter from school.
As I walked back through Stephansplatz on my way out, I thought I'd try my iphone again. I entered the targets: Stephensplatz to Gregor-Mendel-Strasse 56 and waited for data retrieval. My phone: Take bus 3A to Wipplingerstrasse. Transfer to 40A. Get off at Linneplatz. Walk 98 meters.
There's the 3a. Now that was easy.
My phone was done pouting, and so was I. So now I know it: the iphone is like every other apple. Not reliable, but loveable none-the-less.
No comments:
Post a Comment